Heartbreak Sweater

Dave and I were thrilled to be pregnant again without even trying.  We were making plans to rearrange the house to accommodate a new baby with all the dreaming and planning and adapting that goes along with that.  I stopped breastfeeding Marek once we learned the news so that all my energy could go into the new baby.  I even froze the last few ounces I pumped so the new baby had something to eat in the hospital until my milk came in.  Last Saturday we went in for our ultrasound and the baby did not have a heartbeat.  We were gutted.  It sounds stupid to say it, but I was kind of surprised we were both so upset because it was such early days.  We both sobbed over this lost child, but in all the reading I've done to educate myself, this was a blessing.  I never realized miscarriages were so common, especially at my age.  My OB GYN told me at my last appointment that 50% of pregnancies at my age end in miscarriage.  More often than not, it is a chromosomal abnormality to blame and miscarriage is God's and Mother Nature's way of stopping the factory line because all systems are not "Go".  We conceived on December 9th and learned it was gone on February 9th.  Everything came away a few days later and I'm reassured that we can try again once my body normalizes.  I've had one giant headache on and off as my hormones sort themselves out. 

As a preemptive insult to injury, our furnace died on Friday the 8th and Saturday the 9th, we learned we'd lost the baby.  The universe has a way of kicking you when you're down, but we kept reminding ourselves this was a blessing.  It sounds callous to say, but a child with major debilities requires masses of time and resources and Dave and I will not live forever.  Marek was a textbook healthy baby and my anxiety tells me lightening cannot strike twice so I always worry about our second child if we manage to produce one.  I always worry as our age increases, so does our risk of producing a disabled child and Marek will inherit the role of caretaker for his younger sibling which is something he didn't choose or deserve.  I know plenty of people who have had healthy kids at our age, but I can't help but worry.  I was never more anxious in my life than when I was pregnant.

I started knitting this cabled sweater for Marek the Saturday we got our bad news.  I mentally refer to it as the "Miscarriage Sweater" although I probably shouldn't do that.  I just threw myself into this and knit like crazy on it because it kept me from thinking about our news.  It is a Drops pattern called Little Peter and I am finding it engaging and comforting.  I also love this yarn purchased at the Fiber Festival last year.  It is a wool/angora blend that knits up beautifully and is buttery soft.  This year Nancy and I are making plans to attend the festival together and I think this vendor will be my big purchase.  I have found a few Drops patterns for myself that call for a DK yarn.

Here is what I should be focusing on, my dear son Marek.  I say it all the time, but I never knew it was possible to love someone so much.  I love my mother so much more since having a baby because I understand and appreciate so much more what she went through and all that she did for us.

He is wearing the Fiddlehead Sweater I knit for him years ago--before he was even a twinkle in my eye.  Dave was laughing at me while I struggled to take a picture of him.  He was rolling and leaning trying to get his hands on anything near him so in the end, I handed him Curious George and he sat contentedly.

I had this sweater in his dresser and kind of forgot about it.  I was worried it wouldn't fit him by the time I noticed it.

I remember at the time I knitted it, I wasn't horribly pleased with it, but now I just love how it fits and looks on him.  He wore this to church on Sunday and still had some wiggle room in it.  He is my precious boy and just like Mary Poppins, he's "practically perfect in every way."  I am so thankful for this healthy and beautiful child.

Hjemkomst Center

If you are ever in the Fargo/Moorhead area, you need to make a stop at the Hjemkomst Center.  Hjemkomst literally means "homecoming" in Norwegian.  Where do I begin?  What an extraordinary story.

Basically in the 1980's, a Minnesotan man had the wild idea to re-create a viking ship and sail it to Norway.  AND HE DID.  That's basically it, but do you realize the implications of that idea?  We didn't have GPS or the internet or cell phones back then.  They basically checked in regularly via CB radio.  I'm not quite a millenial but I just clutch my pearls every time I think about it!

This man and a group of friends did just that.  This ship has been on display in Moorhead ever since and I remember visiting it as a kid.  In fact, I was teasing my cousins that the last time we were there, I had a perm and they had crimped hair!  That's how long ago it was.  This ship is housed in the fabulous historical society where they have space for varying exhibits.  And if you're a Norwegian, there is a replica Viking Stave Church on the premises.  We will have to take some pictures in Norwegian sweaters or bunads some day.

My parents are both alumni of Concordia College in Moorhead and KNEW several of the crew which drives it even more home.

Just looking at the living quarters of the ship boggles your  mind.  How did they do it?  One of the quotes of the display even said that at the time, many people considered this an elaborate form of suicide.  Can you imagine making that journey?

They had a running movie of the voyage and impressions 30 years later.  There were viking helmets, shields and swords on display for photo ops and history majors employed just dying to answer questions.  Dave is doing his best Viking impression.  Military ID's are granted free admission.  My brother was with us and the remaining 9 of us walked in for free.

The building is also the Historical Society with a wonderful exhibit space.  Years ago when we were there with our interesting hairstyles, they housed an animatronic (PRE-Jurassic Park) dinosaur exhibit.

This visit, there was a WWI exhibit focusing on the civilian contribution and fundraising efforts including knitting!

I like to think that I'd be organizing and knitting like crazy for the cause.

Knitting used to be such an integral part of domestic life.  Before we had big box stores, you made things yourself.

Wrong war, but I love the pictures you see of Eleanor Roosevelt and Audrey Hepburn knitting for the WWII cause.

Getting back to this Viking Ship business, here are pictures of the Viking Ship Museum in Oslo.

The Hjemkomst ship was a replica of the Gokstad ship housed here.

If you ever visit Oslo, you HAVE TO visit the Viking Ship Museum.

It boggles the mind that these ships were unearthed in 1904.  And they'd been buried prior to that.

We just can't wrap our heads around things that old in this country.

As a textile enthusiast, I was thrilled to appreciate the card weaving artifacts.  I'd visited this museum as a 16 year old before I became a textile nerd.  It is just amazing to me that these items were found warped and works in progress during the excavation.  I was first exposed to card weaving at Skogfjorden Norwegian Camp and it was too advanced a subject to complete.  I was exposed and have been haunted ever since.  And now thanks to the internet, I have gathered materials, books and video knowledge.  Some day soon I hope to share card weaving results.

Here is an early morning photo of my sister, Dad and myself outside the museum.  The open air museum is a jaunt down the road and a requirement if you visit the Viking Ship Museum.  I love this picture of us.  My sister has since worked hard and gone on to lose over 50 pounds!

It's been a bit nippy...

It seems winter finally arrived here in Minnesota.  We ventured up to Fargo last month for a family get-together that included my 100 year old grandmother.  The temperature was -19 up there which was a bit of a refresher course in winter weather for us. 

I did a little custom knitting for Marek in preparation.  It seems no matter what pants he wears, when he is sitting or in his car seat, his pant legs "ride up with wear" as they say at Grace Brothers.  No matter how much you tug them down, the bare skin of his lower legs is exposed.  I wrap him with a flannel blanket from the waist down to help insulate him and I joke that he looks like Queen Victoria all bundled up like that.

I designed a pair of oversized socks for him that are worn over his regular socks and pant legs.  They are long enough that they come up almost to his knees and have enough ease that his pant legs can be tucked into them.  These were knit out of a worsted wool/silk/angora yarn from HoneyGold Acres that I bought at the State Fair with winter next-to-the-skin items in mind for Marek.

I know I took some formal posed pictures of him in his new knitwear, but I think one of my favorite pictures is this informal shot of him on the Koala Kare changing table in the gas station bathroom!  We made a pit stop on the way up there and this was his first time in the Koala Kare so of course I had to take a picture!  The hat he is wearing is a larger version of this hat knit from the same worsted yarn.  The original fawn colored hat was on the small side but I gave it to my dear friend Nancy for her granddaughter.  I'm always happy when hand knits go to a good home!

After our re-orientation to butt cold temperatures in Fargo, it got cold here.  We had a week or so cold snap and Mother Nature didn't pull any punches.  We kept our thermostat set at 65 and I swear the furnace ran non-stop for that week.  This was the temperature in our windowsill when I got up to make a bottle one morning.  It was a week of slippers, sweaters, fleece bathrobes and cups of tea.  I tried to bake whenever I could to add a little byproduct bonus heat to the house.  I've even put up with nonstop sports on the living room TV because Dave has been living upstairs instead of downstairs in the man-cave. 

In the fall and during reasonable temperatures in winter, we use our garage as a glorified walk-in cooler.  This is especially handy when we host holiday family get-togethers and have all kinds of food to be chilled.  I remember my Grandma Helen used her porch the same way and my mother always talks of her childhood farmhouse "North Porch" for said purpose.  It was too cold in our garage so we chilled things by setting it next to the downstairs walk out door!

We've discussed function for extreme cold weather, now let's cover FASHION!  I knit Marek a Gopher hat by combining this pattern's chart (I have knit the hell out of this pattern and am so thankful for it!) with this pattern for the construction of the hat.  I used a size 5 needle as the construction pattern calls for but growing boys can always use a little wiggle room.  I think next time (and I'll be knitting a new one of these every few years or so, let's face it) I'll use the size 6 called for in the charted pattern.

And while we're on the subject of Minnesota Gophers, I made a few new bibs for him.  I picked up this yard of paisley Goldy fabric a while ago and made 4 new bibs with scraps to spare.  I backed it with a maroon and gold flannel plaid that I'd intended as lounge wear pants for David but I didn't buy enough.  This stinker is exploring all kinds of solid foods and has figured out how to pull off his Velcro bibs.  I love grommets but have mixed results when it comes to installing snaps.  I do have some ginormous sew on snaps which I'd sooner use to convert all the cute fabric bibs I've made.